Ain't Wasting Time

 

Another week and time for another trip down classic rock music’s Memory Lane.  This week’s 60’s and 70’s radio, turntable, cassette, and 8 track theme is “time.”  Whether it was the Chambers Brothers’ “Time Has Come Today,” The Allman Brothers’ “Ain’t Wasting Time,” David Bowie’s “Changes,” or Pink Floyd’s “Time,” as the years have gone by, each has moved me toward reflection.  Life's experiences have opened my mind so the messages of their words is much different today than they were back when I was “dropping the needle.” 

 

My mom died when she was 59 years old.  I remember thinking when I turned 58, if my mom knew she only had one year to live when she was 58, would she have spent her last year any different than she did?  My dad passed away in 2012.  He was 78.  He was the last of his generation in our family.  My grandparents are gone.  All of my aunts and uncles have passed away.  My immediate family now consists of brothers, sons and my wife Jodi.  My extended family is made up of cousins, nieces, and nephews.  You know what that means.  My cousin Brian, as much a friend growing up as a cousin, laid it out after my dad’s death – we are now at the front of the line.  We are the next generation that will pass.  Never thought of it that way before.  But instead of dreading it, I thought about the time that remains and how I want to spend it.

What I can tell you is that since that revelation, I’ve become more protective of time.  I’ve taken the Allman Brothers’ words to heart.  That is, “I ain’t wasting time no more.”  Not that I’ve ever been a big “time waster,” but I’ve come to realize there is so much more I can do.  With my family.  My friends.  My work team.  My professional network.  My community.  The students we serve. 

 

Most importantly, I’ve learned that with time, there is no guarantee – no guarantee of next year, next month, next week or tomorrow.  It’s a precious commodity.  And when we waste it, time is something we can never get back.  I have only so much time left to do whatever it is I want or am supposed to accomplish.  Only so much time to serve.  Only so much time to love.

 

So, what does this have to do with this week’s Director Update? As administrators and educators, we live in a professional world that is constantly looking ahead.  Most likely we are looking forward to the next school year – planning in-service, finalizing schedules, checking enrollment, lining up workers and volunteers for events, and so on.  Then we’ll look toward that first day of classes, the first concert, the first athletic events.  Before you know it we will have our eyes on Christmas break, then spring break and ultimately graduation and the end of another year.  We spend so much time looking ahead, we lose sight of how quickly the days go by. The question is, what are we going to do with those days?  Will we cross them off the calendar, treating them like a to do list?  Or will we resolve to make the most of each and every one of them?  Will we act like our days are endless or will we realize they could end at any moment? 

 

I’ve heard the question about whether we’d like to know the exact day our life will be over or prefer to not know.  Although it may seem counter intuitive, I prefer not to know because the uncertainty motivates me to take advantage of every minute since it could be my last. 

When my time comes, I’d like to be known as someone who didn’t waste time – not in the sense that I never relaxed or had fun, but instead that I was intentional about how I spent my time and who I spent it with.  As educators, we spend our lives teaching and serving.  I’m inspired by so many of you who are so giving, so loving, so committed to serve, that nothing stands in your way.

 

As a professional community, let’s show ourselves, each other, and those we serve that we are never satisfied with what we’ve done.  It’s all about what’s left to do.  We won’t waste time.  We won’t cross off our days.  We won’t take time for granted.  We will make the most of every precious moment.  Because every one of those moments can make a difference.

 

 

Imagine

 

Imagine. 

 

What a word.  It implies no boundaries, no limitations, endless possibilities.  There aren’t many words I can say I love but man, I love that word.  I can think of nothing in my life that I enjoy, I value, that I’m proud of that I didn’t first imagine.

 

One of my favorite composers of all time – John Lennon –wrote one of my all-time favorite songs entitled, “Imagine.”  He created some controversy with some of the lyrics – by asking us to imagine there was no heaven and that we should just do things right because it was the right thing to do.  My message today is not about John Lennon and his controversy.  Today, I want to encourage us to imagine and to encourage others to do the same.  It isn’t hard to do.

 

As administrators, we have watched our students in action.  We’ve seen them in the weight room.  We’ve peeked in on practice and rehearsals.  We’ve stood outside the band and choir rooms sometimes and just listened.  We watch students perform and watch them compete.  If your experience is anything like mine was, you are often simply in awe of what you see and hear. 

 

And then I think, “imagine.”  Imagine what our schools would be if students took the energy, the passion, the commitment, the dedication they show in the weight room, the stage, the court, the field, the mat, the pool, the bowling lane, and every other venue they perform and compete…imagine if they took it all and applied it to every part of their lives.  Imagine the possibilities. 

 

Imagine every classroom transformed into places where the effort to not just get through but where the desire to learn, to do, and to become experts was the driving force.  Imagine the test scores, the GPA’s.  More importantly, imagine the satisfaction of knowing they gave their best.  Imagine the confidence of realizing that when they commit to something, when they dedicate themselves to become the best, they are capable of just about anything.  Imagine how contagious the passion for learning could become.

 

Imagine the culture in our schools if every student and every one of us made a commitment to make today and tomorrow and the next everyone else’s best day.  Imagine a school where everyone believed that someone cared, that no matter how bad a day was, students could count on someone to pick them up. Imagine a school where no one dared hurt another.  Where Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. were used to celebrate all that is good about friends and classmates and were never used to embarrass, taunt or bring down anyone.  As John Lennon sang, “imagine all the people, living life in peace.”

 

Imagine our community and our world, if we encouraged our students to make it a priority to serve.  Imagine if our students donated, served meals, repaired houses, provided clothing and essentials to those marginalized in our society as if they were brothers and sisters.  Imagine all the people, sharing all the world.

 

As educators, we have a responsibility to run programs, schools, and districts.  But we have a greater responsibility – a calling.  And it is that calling that encourages, if not demands, that we imagine.

 

Imagine – no boundaries, no limitations, endless possibilities. You may say I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you’ll join us and create a school and a community that can live as one.

 

 

Be Curious

I’m sure I’m not alone in sharing that one of my favorite streaming series has been “Ted Lasso.”  Without getting into the merits and/ or entertainment value of the show, I’ll just say that more often than not, it makes me think.  Mostly, it makes me reflect on my own life, my behavior, and how I treat people.  And let’s just say, it reinforces that I am a constant work in progress.

 

One of my favorite scenes from the series involves Coach Lasso competing with the rich, famous, and (some would say) “full of himself” Rupert in a game of darts in a local pub.  During that scene, Ted quotes Walt Whitman who said, “Be curious, not judgmental.”  He then shares that he has often been underestimated, particularly by those who choose to be judgmental rather than curious.  And, of course, that got me thinking. 

There is a distinct difference between judgement and curiosity.  One is based on assumptions with little or no information; the other seeks to understand.  Judgement is much quicker and its assumptions seem to feed what we want to believe.  Maybe that’s why so many people rush to it.  Curiosity is more deliberate and reflects a desire to learn.  It takes time and a true interest in knowing.  When we apply these two concepts to our interactions with people, it’s easy to see how some relationships can get sideways.

 

Humans are complex creatures.  What motivates us, what drives us, what leads us to one decision and not another is a combination of so many variables, that it can be hard for others to fully understand it.  Only through curiosity, through a true desire to understand, can we appreciate what really makes a person “tick.”  With curiosity, there’s no shortcut.  It’s a little like research.  While the process is lengthy, we can feel more confident in our understanding.  And here’s the thing, to be curious, we have to care – care enough about others to want to really know about them.  The message we send when we are curious is that we are truly interested in another person.  Interested enough to find out, from them, what they’re all about.  We’re interested in the beauty and the warts.  The successes and struggles.  The rationale behind what they think, say, and do. 

For some, complexity is averse.  It’s too hard to deal with.  It takes too much time to unravel, to get to the core.  They either don’t care to or don’t have the time to learn about the other person.  So instead, they assume.  They jump to conclusions.  They “fill in the blanks” with either what makes sense to them or what serves to advance what they want to believe about another person.  Sometimes people get lucky and the conclusion they jump to occasionally is correct.  More often than not, however, it isn’t.  But since it’s easier and quicker to judge or evaluate someone based solely on what they may (or many not have) observed, that’s the way they go.  This takes on a whole other level of misunderstanding when the basis is what someone else said instead of a direct observation.  Basing our thoughts about a person based on another person’s version of what happened is at best risky and at worst irresponsible.

 

So, what does all this have to do with us and our roles as leaders in education?  Based on social media posts and most often based on conversations with many of you, a lot.  We are on both sides of this.  Let that sink in.  We’re on both sides of this.

 

As leaders, we are often the targets of assumptions and judgement rather than the subjects of curiosity.  Because we are in positions required to often make decisions, to “make the call,” we are open to criticism and to judgement.  People often jump to conclusions about what led to our decisions.  They not only judge the decision, but they also judge us.  They assume they know what we were thinking, what factors we weighed, what process we used.  They take on the “Monday Morning Quarterback” syndrome and evaluate our action.  If it stopped there, that would be unfortunate but maybe not intentionally hurtful.  The judgement can escalate to a level of hurt, however, when the assumptions and judgements are shared.  And we know how easy it is to do that with social media.  Heck, some people even set up social media groups for that sole purpose.  Judgements, and in some cases attacks, are shared and it doesn’t take many posts before the assumptions are considered, “facts.”  As leaders, we are called to take the high road when this happens.  We ignore it.  We shake our heads but don’t respond or defend ourselves.  But it takes a pretty thick skin to let it have no effect on us.  But here’s the thing, as Ted shared with Rupert, “Their underestimating had nothing to do with me.”  When people judge us, it says much more about them than it does us. 

 

And what of the “other side.”  Each day we, as leaders, have the choice to be curious or to be judgmental.  Of colleagues.  Of faculty, staff, coaches, and moderators.  Of students.  Of parents.  Of organizations.  Quite frankly, of anyone.  And what choice do we make?  Are we curious?  Do we care enough about people and about understanding to be curious?  To ask questions?  To take a genuine interest in them?  To invest the time it takes?  To risk admitting that we don’t know everything about the person or the situation?  Or do we choose to be judgmental?  To assume?  To jump to conclusions?  I know on more than one occasion, I’d have to raise my hand and reply with, “Guilty as charged.”  It was just easier.  And whether it based on things others had said or my own desire to “fill in the blanks,” it was just wrong. 

 

So I challenge all of us to be curious.  And may we, through our modeling of curiosity, encourage others to do the same.  We don’t have to win a game of darts like Ted did to prove the point.  But if we practice curiosity and make a point to demonstrate it to others, we may just hit a bullseye.   

 

 

Leadership and Ladders

 

I’ve always had a penchant for self-reflection.  While feedback from others is important, I believe it is only when we take a good, hard look at ourselves that we create the opportunity to become the best version of ourselves.  And ever since I have occupied a seat of leadership – as a teacher, coach, administrator and now executive director, I have tried to examine the kind of leader I am and the kind of leader I want to become.  I think about leadership.  I read about leadership.  I seek out those who can teach me more about leadership.

As school administrators, we are faced daily with the challenge of being great leaders.  We are called to lead students, faculty, coach/directors, other administrators, and often those in our community.  Let’s be clear – it is not a job.  It is a calling.  We don’t do it solely for a paycheck. We don’t “clock in” and “clock out.”  We do it because of the difference we can make and the impact we can have.  We are called to take those we lead to levels even they don’t know they are capable of.  Not everyone is willing to accept the calling and take on the challenge.  Not everyone is wired for it.  It takes energy.  It takes selflessness.  It takes courage.  It takes responsibility.  It takes a bit of a rare breed.  As the saying goes, “Everyone wants to be captain, until it’s time to do captain stuff.”

In order to be accepted as leaders, we have to reach a certain level of expertise and credibility with those we attempt to lead.  We need experience and we need to show success in our position in order to earn that credibility.  We must, so to speak, “climb the ladder of success.”  Consequently, we spend much of our early careers, climbing ladders.  It’s not that we don’t care about others but we are focused on proving to ourselves and to others that we have what it takes.  Whether it was teaching, coaching, directing, or serving in administration, we are trying to “advance” in our careers, to “move up.”

Author John Maxwell, in his book Leader Shift, uses this concept of ladders to illustrate the journey we take through our development in leadership.  As mentioned above, early in our careers, we spend our time and energy on advancing ourselves.  We are climbing the ladder.  Most of us, however, could point to people in our lives who built the ladder for us and/or held the ladder while we climbed.  Maybe it was an administrator or a colleague who saw something in us that led them to believe we had the potential to lead.  They encouraged us to take the first step, then the next, and the next, etc.  I had several people in my life who served that role.  One was Rick Sullivan, my first principal when I taught at Maxwell High School fresh out of college.  Another was Father Joe Herard who hired me and mentored me at Wahlert High School.  I can still hear his voice as he reminded me, “Tom – if everyone waited until they were ready to take on the challenge, nothing would ever get done.”  He shared with me his favorite song from the Man of La Mancha, “The Impossible Dream.”  But that’s for another post.  The point is, Rick, Fr. Joe and many others pushed me to become the best I could be.  Without them, I’d still be on the ground looking up.  Thanks to them, I have the opportunity lead.

There is no doubt advancing is important because it gives us the opportunity to become leaders. However, once we have earned a position of leadership, our focus needs to shift.  We need to become those who build ladders and hold ladders for others, helping them, “be all they can be.”  In short, part of our responsibility is to develop other leaders.  We all have experience with this.  We’ve built and held ladders for students, athletes, performers, teachers, coaches, and other administrators.  We build the ladder to show opportunity.  We hold the ladder to ensure success.  We extend the ladder to challenge those we lead even more.

So this week, let’s reflect on those who guided us to our “calling.”  Those who believed in us enough to set the rungs before us.  The encouragers.  The cheerleaders.  The advisors.  Let’s also reflect on who we have guided toward that same calling and those yet to be called. 

And let’s be intentional about creating the next generation of leaders.  Those who are selfless.  Those who have the energy.  Those who have the courage.  Those who will take on responsibility.  The impact our leadership has will be how we are remembered.  The leaders we give the world will be our legacy.

Peace, Love, and Understanding

 

On my Monday morning drive from Cedar Rapids to Boone this past week, I was treated to and inspired by a 1979 gem performed by Elvis Costello & the Attractions called, “What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love and Understanding.”

 

Peace, love and understanding.  Seems like a simple enough concept.  And seems like a worthy enough goal, doesn’t it?  Peace, love and understanding.  Imagine a home and a family with it.  Imagine our schools with it.  Imagine our communites, our country and our world with it.  Imagine every relationship with it. 

 

I gotta be honest with you.  I’m tired of the conflict.  I’m tired of the hostility.  I’m tired of the insults.  I’m tired of the lack of civility.  I’m tired of the, “I’m right and you’re wrong” approach to everything.  I’m tired of the violence.  Where does it end?  When does it end?  It makes me ask, like Elvis Costello did in his song, “Where are the strong?  Where are the trusted?  Where is the harmony?”

 

It’s easy to see the chaos on the news.  The Ukraine, Israel, Gaza, Korea, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan.  Chicago, LA, New York, Texas.  It’s easy to see it, consider it far away and take false comfort in thinking it won’t touch us.  We can look from afar and be thankful it’s not us.  But then we listen to the angry shouts at school board and town hall meetings, the nastiness coming from the stands, the slurs used to describe those different than us, the vitriol in social media posts, and we realize its closer than we think.

 

I challenge us today to zoom in.  Yes, I want peace, love and understanding in the world.  But if that is ever going to happen, it has to start with each of us and it has to start in our own back yards.  I’ve been a part of Iowa since I came here from Philly to go to Simpson College in 1973.  I appreciate Iowa and am proud to have raised a family here.  And while there is daily evidence of “Iowa Nice,” unfortunately, even Iowa is not immune to the conflict, the hostility, the insults and the violence.  We do have beautiful people here doing beautiful things for each other.  We do have people doing amazing things with service.  We do have people who promote peace, love and understanding.  But how long are the rest of us going to leave that up to others or simply hope things get better?  Where are the strong?  Where are the trusted?  Where is the harmony?

 

Despite what our world tells us, it is possible to disagree and be civil.  It is possible to compete and respect our opponent.  It is possible to dislike something without attacking it.  It is possible to not get our way without lashing out.  Being the loudest, the crudest, the most insulting or the most hostile doesn’t make us the most right.  Worse yet, it makes us considerably less than who we are called to be. 

 

So where do we start?  Here’s an easy place…with words.  We used to hear that “sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me.”  That’s baloney.  Some words are meant to hurt and do a pretty good job of it.  Some words are meant to generalize, marginalize and depersonalize with the goal of making it ok to demean and mistreat others.  Take a look at history to see where that leads.  At a presentation to students when I was a high school principal, we heard a stern warning from survivor Dr. Jacob Eisenbach during his account of the Holocaust – it all started with hate and intolerance.

 

There is no doubt in my mind that if we understand the power of words and we are intentional about how we use them, we can create an environment in our communities where everyone feels respected.  The beauty of this world lies in its diversity.  Diversity in appearance.  Diversity in heritage.  Diversity in interests.  Diversity in beliefs.  Diversity in ideas.  It’s time to recognize that.

 

I often think of the quote from George Bernard Shaw, and referenced by the late Bobby Kennedy: “Some see things as they are and ask, ‘Why?’  I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’”

 

Where are the strong?  Where are the trusted?  They and it are in the classrooms and halls of our schools, in the offices of our administrators, in the locker rooms and competition areas of our athletic teams, in the rehearsal spaces of our performers.  And as school leaders, we have the power to lead change.  We have an incredible power – the power to choose.  We have the power to be strong.  We have the power to instill trust.  We have the power to create harmony.  We have the power to take respect to the world.  Let’s lead by example.  Let’s be strong enough to do the right thing.  Let’s be people who can be trusted.  Let’s be the ones who create harmony in our homes, our schools, our communities, and our world. I’ll pose the same question to you as I did frequently to students:  “If not us, then who?  If not now, then when?” 

 

What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?  Nothing, that’s what. 

 

Forgiveness

 

As leaders, and especially leaders in school communities, criticism and sometimes even attacks come our way.  There are instances when people say things to us and about us, do things, write things, post things, etc., which are intended to hurt us.  When it happens, we tend to consider two options – react or ignore.  Some things are easier to ignore than others.  One comment on a post by someone we don’t have a relationship with is easier to ignore than ongoing hurtful behavior from someone we do.  Sometimes it’s a matter of intensity and duration.  The behavior can reach a level that “gets to us” emotionally, leading us to become resentful and bitter.  We think feeling this way is "getting them back."  In fact, holding onto the resentment and bitterness does us more harm than good.  It’s not easy to let it go.  It takes forgiveness.

But forgiveness is a tricky thing.  One of the reasons is because it is often a double-standard.  We want others to forgive us yet we’re not so willing to extend forgiveness to others.  Another reason it’s tricky is because we often see it as a win/lose situation.  We feel if we forgive, the other person feels better but we still feel the hurt that was caused by whatever the transgression against us was.  The other person "wins." 

Let me offer a little perspective about forgiveness.  

A good friend of mine lost his 20 year old son when a drunk driver in a pickup truck crossed the centerline and slammed into his motorcycle, killing his son (and his girlfriend who was riding with him).  My friend and I have had a few conversations about that tragedy.  He and his wife have continued to work through their grief and have found some comfort in counseling others who have lost children. 

 

One of the conversations my friend and I had revolved around forgiveness.  I was principal at Xavier at that time and he wanted to know from the Catholic School principal, how in the world he was supposed to forgive the drunk driver for this seemingly unforgivable offense.  The driver who had six previous drunk driving convictions.  The driver who was driving without a license.  The driver who valued life so little that he got behind the wheel of five thousand pounds of metal with a .19 blood alcohol level and took that weapon onto a two lane highway at over 70 miles per hour putting everyone in his path in harm’s way.  The driver that took his son away.  The son he would never go fishing or hunting with again.  The son he would never go to another football game with.  The son he would not see get married.  The son he and his wife loved.  How in the world do you forgive someone who does that?

 

I had no magic words or profound answers for his question.  I can’t imagine the grief that he still felt, even after several years.  Nothing I could say could take the grief away.  It was nearly impossible to try to help him let go of the anger and the resentment he was feeling.  I wish I would’ve had the right words to help him see that holding on to the anger was not hurting nor punishing the driver.  The driver wasn’t going to care.  In fact, by holding onto the anger, he was giving the driver who killed his son power over him.  The driver not only killed his son but was now maintaining a painful hold on my friend as well.  Only when he could truly forgive the driver would that negativity begin to subside. 

 

Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook.  It is not relieving them of their responsibility.  It is not meant to make that person feel better.  Forgiveness is a way to release ourselves from the toxic resentment and sometimes fury that has built inside us and we continue to hold onto.  Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill our enemy.”  It serves no purpose but to continually remind us of the pain we feel.

I wish I could tell you that our conversation ended with my friend saying, “Wow, I never thought of it that way.  You’ve helped me see that I need to forgive that guy.”  We all know better.  All I can hope is that someday my friend can find something inside of him that will allow him to forgive.  I really believe he will.  Not for the driver’s benefit.  But for his own.  It hurt me to see my friend in so much pain.  I wanted him to begin the healing and that was never going to happen without forgiveness. 

 

And it all got me thinking.  If I was suggesting to my friend that he forgive someone for such an unfathomable offense, why was I holding onto resentment for those who have done much less to me.  In a classic case of, “Physician, heal thyself,” moment, I took stock of the grudges I was holding.  It’s not like I was keeping a “naughty or nice” list, but I thought of enough examples of my bitterness toward people who meant something to me and those I hardly knew.  And I decided it was time to let go.  With a few, I had conversations that amounted to a simple, “That hurt me, and I want you to know I’m not mad anymore.”  That simple beginning started conversations that helped start rebuilding a relationship. With others, I didn’t know them well enough to have the conversation.  But in both cases, I emptied myself of the proverbial “poison” Mandela spoke of.  I recognized that we can’t control how others act, only how we respond.  When we respond with bitterness, anger, and resentment, it is us who suffer.  When we refuse to go down that path, we are the ones in control.

Balance

 

Balance.  It’s a concept we’ve been trying to master since we were toddlers.  Early on it was standing, then walking.  We tried to master steps.  We learned to ride a bike.  Then it was roller skates/blades and ice skates.  Maybe we were bold enough to get on a ski slope.

 

As hard as it was back then to gain our physical balance, it seems to pale sometimes in comparison to the elusiveness of life balance.  For us as adults, that work-life balance thing too often seems to be more than a little out of reach.  So many demands on our time, even outside of work, that it can seem like we are no longer in charge of our own schedules.  We are in cars and on flights to conduct business.  We go from meeting to meeting.  We rush through meals.  We run from one child’s activity to another.  We look at Mass times at every parish to see if we can get there between games. We find ourselves doing laundry and balancing checkbooks at midnight or squeezing in mowing the lawn before dark.  We have calendars that never seem to have a blank day on them.  And who decided we needed to be available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week through our mobile devices?  Toss in a car problem, a water heater that goes out, or an illness and our stress levels push the limits.  We ask ourselves, “How did things get so out of control?” And the things that really matter – prayer, quality time with family, time to relax and reflect – often are pushed to the bottom of our priority lists if they even make the list at all.

Sadly, this challenge of finding balance in life is not unique to adults.  As principal, I saw it and as Executive Director of the IHSAA, I’m seeing it and hearing more and more about it in our students.  The results have me concerned.  There seems to be significant pressure, self-imposed in some cases but most often imposed from others, to do more and do it better.  The school says, “Get involved!”  Colleges ask, “What activities have you been involved in?  How many AP courses have you taken?  What were your grades?  What is your ACT score?”  As parents we can create incredible pressure on our students by pushing them toward what I call, “resume-building.”  Coaches and directors demand more and more time with them at practice, rehearsal and off-season programs or workouts.  Not only is balance something that seems out of reach but “down time” just doesn’t exist. 

Students often fill their day with 8 classes.  Before they even begin, many are in the fitness center lifting, attending open gym, getting help from teachers or in some cases attending scheduled lessons and/or rehearsals.  Immediately after school they head to practice, rehearsal or a job.  They live on fast food between activities.  They come home tired and emotionally spent, wishing they could just shower and go to bed.  Instead, they pull out their books and their laptops and begin what for some nights can seem like a mountain of homework or hours of preparation for the next test, presentation or project.  By the time their head hits the pillow, they are beyond exhausted only to hear the alarm just a few hours later, beckoning them to start the madness over again.  Weekends used to be a time to relax.  Now it seems to be a time to “catch up.”  The number of students reporting anxiety is at an all time high.  I can’t help but think this exhaustion is part of the equation.

 

The IHSAA, IGHSAU, IHSMA, and IHSSA approached the Department of Education to express this concern and from those discussions came, “Family Week.”  While it is a step in the right direction, I fear it may not be enough.

 

Schools have a responsibility to seek ways to help.  Teachers should discuss ways to coordinate assessment schedules (much easier said than done) to help make the load on any one day a little more manageable.  And teachers have a responsibility to communicate with students exactly what it is they want them to know and be able to do for their assessments. Coaches and directors should consider their students’ schedules as they plan practices, rehearsals and off-season workouts; perhaps give them a day off once in a while.  We must be insistent in words and actions that family and academics take priority over activities.

 

And the reality is that schools need the help of parents.  Any message our administrators can share with parents about balance is a good one.

 

Parents should have regular conversations with students regarding their work load.  Help them learn to prioritize and in some cases “let go” of some of the things that are packing their schedules.  They need to know it’s ok to not have eight classes and be involved in two, three or four activities at the same time.  They need to advocate for themselves by visiting with their teachers, coaches and directors about their schedule on a particular day.  They need to know that a “B” or "C" is not the end of the world.  They need to know that they don’t need to take every AP or dual credit course.  Most of all they need to know that we love them regardless of what they are involved in, what their grades are and what their “resume” looks like.  I’m not proposing a “don’t care” attitude by any means.  But the stress levels we are seeing in our students say the “more and better” approach often does more harm than good.

 

It’s time for us to encourage students to find that elusive “balance.”  It’s time for us to let kids be kids (at least some of the time).  I have been heard to say, “Keep ‘em busy; keep ‘em broke.”  That doesn’t mean every minute of the day every day of the week.

 

So many schools develop so many incredibly successful students.  It's time to commit to developing those who are well-adjusted and happy.