Balance

 

Balance.  It’s a concept we’ve been trying to master since we were toddlers.  Early on it was standing, then walking.  We tried to master steps.  We learned to ride a bike.  Then it was roller skates/blades and ice skates.  Maybe we were bold enough to get on a ski slope.

 

As hard as it was back then to gain our physical balance, it seems to pale sometimes in comparison to the elusiveness of life balance.  For us as adults, that work-life balance thing too often seems to be more than a little out of reach.  So many demands on our time, even outside of work, that it can seem like we are no longer in charge of our own schedules.  We are in cars and on flights to conduct business.  We go from meeting to meeting.  We rush through meals.  We run from one child’s activity to another.  We look at Mass times at every parish to see if we can get there between games. We find ourselves doing laundry and balancing checkbooks at midnight or squeezing in mowing the lawn before dark.  We have calendars that never seem to have a blank day on them.  And who decided we needed to be available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week through our mobile devices?  Toss in a car problem, a water heater that goes out, or an illness and our stress levels push the limits.  We ask ourselves, “How did things get so out of control?” And the things that really matter – prayer, quality time with family, time to relax and reflect – often are pushed to the bottom of our priority lists if they even make the list at all.

Sadly, this challenge of finding balance in life is not unique to adults.  As principal, I saw it and as Executive Director of the IHSAA, I’m seeing it and hearing more and more about it in our students.  The results have me concerned.  There seems to be significant pressure, self-imposed in some cases but most often imposed from others, to do more and do it better.  The school says, “Get involved!”  Colleges ask, “What activities have you been involved in?  How many AP courses have you taken?  What were your grades?  What is your ACT score?”  As parents we can create incredible pressure on our students by pushing them toward what I call, “resume-building.”  Coaches and directors demand more and more time with them at practice, rehearsal and off-season programs or workouts.  Not only is balance something that seems out of reach but “down time” just doesn’t exist. 

Students often fill their day with 8 classes.  Before they even begin, many are in the fitness center lifting, attending open gym, getting help from teachers or in some cases attending scheduled lessons and/or rehearsals.  Immediately after school they head to practice, rehearsal or a job.  They live on fast food between activities.  They come home tired and emotionally spent, wishing they could just shower and go to bed.  Instead, they pull out their books and their laptops and begin what for some nights can seem like a mountain of homework or hours of preparation for the next test, presentation or project.  By the time their head hits the pillow, they are beyond exhausted only to hear the alarm just a few hours later, beckoning them to start the madness over again.  Weekends used to be a time to relax.  Now it seems to be a time to “catch up.”  The number of students reporting anxiety is at an all time high.  I can’t help but think this exhaustion is part of the equation.

 

The IHSAA, IGHSAU, IHSMA, and IHSSA approached the Department of Education to express this concern and from those discussions came, “Family Week.”  While it is a step in the right direction, I fear it may not be enough.

 

Schools have a responsibility to seek ways to help.  Teachers should discuss ways to coordinate assessment schedules (much easier said than done) to help make the load on any one day a little more manageable.  And teachers have a responsibility to communicate with students exactly what it is they want them to know and be able to do for their assessments. Coaches and directors should consider their students’ schedules as they plan practices, rehearsals and off-season workouts; perhaps give them a day off once in a while.  We must be insistent in words and actions that family and academics take priority over activities.

 

And the reality is that schools need the help of parents.  Any message our administrators can share with parents about balance is a good one.

 

Parents should have regular conversations with students regarding their work load.  Help them learn to prioritize and in some cases “let go” of some of the things that are packing their schedules.  They need to know it’s ok to not have eight classes and be involved in two, three or four activities at the same time.  They need to advocate for themselves by visiting with their teachers, coaches and directors about their schedule on a particular day.  They need to know that a “B” or "C" is not the end of the world.  They need to know that they don’t need to take every AP or dual credit course.  Most of all they need to know that we love them regardless of what they are involved in, what their grades are and what their “resume” looks like.  I’m not proposing a “don’t care” attitude by any means.  But the stress levels we are seeing in our students say the “more and better” approach often does more harm than good.

 

It’s time for us to encourage students to find that elusive “balance.”  It’s time for us to let kids be kids (at least some of the time).  I have been heard to say, “Keep ‘em busy; keep ‘em broke.”  That doesn’t mean every minute of the day every day of the week.

 

So many schools develop so many incredibly successful students.  It's time to commit to developing those who are well-adjusted and happy.