Toughness

If you know me, you know that I’m a basketball fan.  So this time of year is especially exciting for me.  I’ve played hoops since I was five or six years old and I was lucky enough to play small college basketball.  And, although my playing days are over, I still follow the game closely.  One thing I’m not a fan of is basketball analysts.  Too many folks spending too much time breaking down too many plays, too many teams, too many players, and (lately) too many calls by officials.  But there is one analyst I enjoy hearing – Jay Bilas.  Bilas played for Duke University, played professional basketball in Europe, earned his law degree and is now an analyst for ESPN. Unlike a lot of analysts, he gets to the point and he keeps it simple.

 

Bilas published a book in 2013 called, “Toughness.”  In that book he explores the meaning of true toughness – not only in basketball, but in life.  And like his basketball analysis, he explains the toughness in simple terms.  Toughness, he says, is the ability to withstand pressure and force.  Those of us in leadership positions know life can throw lots of pressure and force our way.  Tough people can deal with that pressure and force.

Bilas breaks toughness into these areas – and some may surprise you:

Trust – Tough people understand it’s difficult to accomplish anything on their own.  They are smart enough to know they don’t know everything.  Tough people know the value of listening to people with more experience.  Those people have been through it and are the closest thing to a crystal ball we’ll ever have.  Tough people also know they need to trust the people in their lives – family, friends, teammates, colleagues, etc. if they are ever going to give everything of themselves.  And we ourselves must be trustworthy or the people we lead will never give everything of themselves to benefit the team, the department, the organization, or the community.

Respect – Tough people understand that what they say and what they do has an effect on others.  They are aware of how their words and behavior impact others.  They realize that even small things – failing to “pitch in” when a co-worker is overwhelmed, failing to meet a responsibility, creates work for someone else.  Tough people never say with their actions, “I’m more important than you.”

Preparation – Tough people pay the price.  They plan what needs to be done to accomplish the goals they want and then they execute the plan.  They set goals – and believe in those goals.  They do quality work. They meet deadlines.  They stay engaged during conversations and meetings.  They do the little things that many others believe are a waste of time.  They work harder than anyone else.  They have a motor that never stops.

 

Courage – Tough people are not afraid of challenges.  They are not afraid of what people think.  Tough leaders accept that decisions invite disagreement.  They have the courage to do not only what needs to be done but the courage to do what’s right.  They challenge themselves with responsibilities that push them.  How else would we ever know just how tough we are?  Tough people, as my pastor Fr. Jon Sheda says, “do the hard.”  They have the tough conversations.  Make the tough phone calls.  Make the difficult decisions.  They avoid procrastination.  When it comes to “doing the hard,” their approach is, “If you have to kiss a toad, you might as well not stare at it.”

Communication – Tough people know how to communicate in positive and direct ways.  They get to the point.  They look others in the eye.  They find ways to compliment sincerely.  They look for the good and they point it out.  Tough people avoid petty communication like rumors and talking people down.  If they have an issue with someone, they go to that person rather than talk about the person to others.

Persistence – Tough people don’t give up – in anything.  They truly believe that if at first you don’t succeed, try again.  The difference is that tough people are smart enough to know that they can’t keep trying the same way.  They must occasionally change their strategy in order to succeed.  They live by the motto, “Find a way.”  Whether it’s a challenge the organization faces, a problem that seems unsolvable, a unique situation (Does anyone remember COVID?), tough people simply continue to tackle the challenge until they’ve met it.  Tough people work to exhaustion.  They never quit as long as they still have something in the tank.

Next Play – Tough people don’t live in the past.  As Ted Lasso says, “They become goldfish.”  They have a short memory.  They don’t overly celebrate success and they don’t dwell on failure.  They move on.  They don’t hold grudges.  They don’t live with regret.  They consider the next important challenge and they go back to preparing for that.

Commitment – Tough people commit to the people in their lives, the tasks they need to complete and the goals they have set.  They never look for an excuse – to not prepare, to not complete a project, to not pay attention, to not work out, to not attend meetings or events, to not return a phone call or email.  Tough people know what it takes to succeed and then do it.  Tough people also do whatever they can to help others in their lives succeed – including encourage, challenge, and support.  They will not disappoint by giving less than their best effort.

Acceptance – Tough people understand they can’t always be the center of attention.  They may not always get the promotion, the award, the recognition.  They work hard to fulfill whatever role is expected of them but they don’t dwell on what they don’t have.  Jealousy is not part of who they are.  They support others and do what they can to help themselves and others succeed.  They also accept others where they are.  They don’t wish for better bosses or co-workers.  They value people in their lives for who they are; not for who they want them to be.  They understand what they have control over and what they don’t.

Self-Evaluation – Tough people spend more time trying to get better than trying to succeed.  They understand that the process, the journey, is what really matters.  Tough people have goals but the goal itself is not the most important thing.  How we work to achieve the goal is what really matters.  They “trust the process.”  And tough people can look in the mirror and honestly say whether they have worked as hard as they could for as long as they could and whether they have treated others with dignity and respect – the way they would like to be treated.

As leaders, we can all benefit from cultivating the qualities Bilas calls, “toughness.” After reading Bilas’ book (which I have done three times), I think it’s important that I do a little self-reflection.  I take a good hard look at where I am on his “toughness” scale.  I recognize where I fall short and work to get better. 

    

Leadership comes in a variety of forms.  Family, team, department, organization, community, etc.  Regardless of what someone is leading, the reality is leadership is challenging.  It’s not for everyone.  Many are willing to sit in the chair of opinion; few are willing to put themselves in the seat of decisions. 

Leadership is not a position.  It’s not a title.  It’s a responsibility and it’s a journey.  A responsibility to the people we lead and a journey with them.  It’s something we get better or worse at.  Every single day.

Hear the call.  Be tough.  Be a leader.