Appreciation for Everyone

 I am a work in progress.  I will be until the day I die.  There is no denying that I, like everyone else in this world, “get better or worse” every day.  I (and we) never stay the same.  I remind students, parents, coaches, administrators and our staff of that reality.  To that end, I continually look for areas of my own personal and professional life where I can improve.  If I don’t, even my strengths can regress to less than effective levels.

The past week, a particularly stressful one for me, brought this reality to my door.  I was disappointed in the way I was tempted to respond to folks who interrupted me, challenged me or operated in a way that required my intervention.  I longed for interaction with our “rock stars,” those administrators, coaches, and IHSAA staff members who have amazing talents, inspire others, solve problems and in effect, “get it.”  They are in education and the world of activities because they are deeply committed to enhancing the high school experience of every student.  They live the paraphrased John F. Kennedy challenge of, “Ask not what your (school/community/organization) can do for you; ask what you can do for it!”  They are “team first” thinkers with a focus on what's best for our schools and the students they serve.  And that means all students – not just the most talented, the best behaved, the most responsible.  These are administrators, coaches, and staff members who colleagues and students gravitate toward.  Parents appreciate them.  The community respects them.  You know the kind.  As leaders, we dream of an entire organization full of them.  And that is what got me thinking.

If it is “rock star” coaches we want for our students, shouldn’t we strive to be “rock star” leaders for those we serve – all of them?  It’s easy to be available, to spend time with, to listen and respond to the brightest, most motivated, most involved, most positive members of our staff.  In short, it’s easy to give the best the “best of us.”  But what about the “emerging” team members of our schools and organizations?  What about those who struggle?  What about those who are less than satisfied?  Do they not deserve the “best of us?”  Sure they do.

In 1991 I was fortunate to be a featured speaker at a volleyball coaches clinic just outside Chicago.  I was asked to present along with Steve Shondell (a legendary high school and now college coach) from Muncie, Indiana and Steve Lowe (former coach at the University of Wisconsin).   I did my thing and then stayed around to learn from two of America’s best volleyball minds.  Steve Lowe presented and all I remember was being mesmerized by his infectious passion, enthusiasm and love for what he was doing.  He wowed the crowd. 

Then it was Steve Shondell’s turn.  Before he began his presentation, he told us he needed to share something about Coach Lowe.  One of Steve Shondell’s players from Muncie Burris High School, a high school All-American by the name of Angie Meyer, had just completed her freshmen year at Wisconsin playing Badger volleyball for Steve Lowe.  Shondell shared that Angie Meyer didn’t start for the Badgers, didn’t play a significant role for them and in fact rarely got into a match that freshmen year.  She was an All-American who was riding the bench.  When she returned home for Christmas break, her high school coach asked, “How did it go?” knowing full well that she must have been disappointed.  To his surprise, she told him that it was one of the best volleyball experiences she ever had.  How could that be?  She explained that, despite being a freshmen, despite not starting or playing much, Coach Lowe made her feel as if she was the most important player in the gym.  He coached her like she was a starter.  Spoke to her like she was his favorite player.  Talked her up to others as if she was headed for stardom.  He valued her.  Not because she had talent, not because she could help his team win, not because she did what she was supposed to.  He valued her simply because she was a player on his team and he was her coach.  His responsibility was to her and every other member of the Wisconsin volleyball program – including managers, statisticians, trainers, secretaries, assistant coaches, fans, boosters and anyone else connected with the Badgers.  Steve Shondell stated that quite frankly, he aspired to be the kind of coach to his players and staff that Steve Lowe was to his.  Steve Shondell was not alone because after that story, I too aspired to be like Steve Lowe.

I drove home from Chicago that day with only one thing in mind.  I was going to change the way I led my teams and I was going to change the way I taught my classes.  I was so moved by what Steve Shondell had shared about Coach Lowe that I committed myself to providing an exceptional experience for all who played for me and all who took my class.  I decided that “second-teamers” and JV players deserved the “best of me” just as the varsity “first-teamers” did.  Students who struggled, students who were less than motivated and students who challenged me deserved the “best of me” just as the “A” students, the most compliant and most responsible did.  I “chose” to like them all, work with them all, care about them all and help them all.  And what a difference it made!

When I changed my approach, the students and athletes I worked with changed their response.  It is such a simple thing to realize but such a difficult one to trust – when we value others and treat them accordingly, they “buy in” to what we want them to accomplish.  I can honestly say that once I experienced the epiphany of committing to everyone I worked with, the results were phenomenal.  Forget the number of championships, all-staters, all-americans, “A” students, and future psychology majors that emerged from our programs.  I’m talking about the day to day stuff.  The incredible effort, the laughter, the problem-solving, the deep level of discussion, the feeling of belonging, the infection of “we can,” the pure satisfaction of pushing ourselves to the limit – that’s what was so rewarding.  I was a happier coach.  They were happier students and athletes.  And, amazing as it may seem, whining disappeared and the number of dissatisfied parent phone calls dropped to almost nil.

I left the classroom for administration in 1997 when I became the Activities Director at Wahlert High School.  I’ve continued my administrative journey as a high school principal for fifteen years and now as Executive Director of the IHSAA.  Along the way I have had to remind myself of the lesson I learned in 1991 at a coaches clinic outside Chicago.  I have had to remind myself that, as one of my outstanding teachers and coaches was prone to say, “It ain’t about me.”  It’s about them – all of them.  It’s about the coaches, directors, moderators, administrators, administrative assistants, students, parents and community members that I interact with every day.  Because the reality is, in their own way, they are all “rock stars.”  I just have to find a way to shine the light on them.  They deserve my time, they deserve my attention, they deserve my support. 

Steve Lowe had a profound impact on me and my experience as a teacher and a coach – an impact that remains with me today.  I didn’t know on that day that Steve Lowe would die less than a year later at the age of 35.  More importantly, I didn’t realize that his effect on me would last a lifetime and that he would impact so many people through me.  I owe it to Steve Lowe to continue to evaluate and improve the way I relate to those with whom I work every day.  It is a debt I intend to honor.

Tom Keating

Hey Ref! You Stink!

I’ve been to my share of high school spectator athletic events.  I would guess the number is somewhere close to 3500.  You read that right.  3500.  (I’m older than you think).  That includes football, volleyball, basketball, wrestling, soccer, baseball and softball.  Add youth and college sports and that number grows considerably.  And let’s just say I’ve seen my share of examples of terrific sportsmanship and I’ve seen my share of less than stellar sportsmanship.  And full-disclosure, as a very young coach I needed the (sometimes stern) guidance of an athletic director who understood the importance of representing yourself, your team and your school in a positive way.

I am proud to say that more often than not, the fans at our schools have demonstrated respect for officials and opponents.  It is my hope that we continue to work so that “more often than not” becomes “always.”  As I am known to preach frequently, “We either get better or worse; we never stay the same.”  I continually encourage all of us to keep sportsmanship a priority.

While I’m no expert on the topic, I think my experience as a high school and college athlete, a coach of youth and high school sports, an official, an activities director, a principal, a member of the Board of Control of the IHSAA, and now Executive Director of the IHSAA, has given me a unique perspective on sportsmanship that I would guess few people possess.  Based on that experience, I’d like to share a few thoughts.

Sportsmanship is a choice.  We choose to either display it or not – at high school, college, pro and youth events.  It is under our control.  No one but the individual (athlete, coach or fan) is responsible for his or her behavior when it comes to sportsmanship.  I realize that sports can elicit a myriad of emotions.  Exhilaration.  Excitement.  Pride.  Disappointment.  Frustration.  The question is, what do we do with that emotion?

I have yet to meet an official who cares which team wins the game.  Their responsibility is to make sure the game is played according the rules. The men and women who get involved in officiating do so out of a love for the game and an interest in serving the sport, the school and the young people who are involved.  They want to stay connected to the game.  Let’s also remember they are human.  Like all of us, they make mistakes.  They miss calls.  But here’s the thing.  Players miss shots, turn the ball over and get beat on defense.  Coaches make wrong adjustments.  As I’ve told my sons, my players and my assistant coaches, the day we are perfect is the day we have the “right” to argue with the officiating of a game. 

I have yet to witness a fan or coach yelling at an official resulting in the official stopping the game, turning to the fan or coach and responding, “You know what?  You’re right.  I did make the wrong call (or I failed to make the call).  I’m going to change my call.  Thank you for pointing it out to me.”  The reality is, our yelling serves no purpose other than to express our own frustration.  Perhaps it’s our way of letting everyone else know that we know more than the official.  My guess is most of us would have a difficult time passing the rules exam necessary as part of the licensing process. 

What I have witnessed is an alarming number of officials leaving something they love and an even more alarming decrease in the number of new officials entering the ranks each year.  The reason they share over and over again is, “the abuse of fans.”  Imagine the day, and it may not be that far away, when we have to reduce our schedules because there are not enough officials to do the games.  The National Federation of High Schools has identified the decreasing number of available officials, “a crisis.”

When we yell at officials, we are giving our student-athletes an excuse.  We are telling them that the game is out of their control.  We are teaching them that it isn’t their effort, energy and execution that determines whether they win or lose.  It’s the officiating.  What kind of lesson is that?  We are also modeling for our students that lashing out is an acceptable way to disagree.  And it’s quite likely that we are annoying those who came to enjoy the game.

The reality is, we aren’t just individuals when we attend athletic events.  We are representatives of our school, club and/or team.  What we do and what we say – including how we say it – is a reflection on our entire community.  When we act with class and dignity we send a message that we are a first-class school with a first-class community.  That should mean something.  Actually, it should mean more than winning.

Maybe I look at things too simply but to me sportsmanship, more than anything else, is a matter of self-control.  It is the ability to look at something and think to ourselves, “that was a travel” or “that was a foul” without shouting it for everyone to hear.  It is the ability to understand that we are watching a “game.”  It is a respect for the people who are trying to bring order to something that so easily could turn chaotic.

I encourage all of us to reflect on the importance on sportsmanship and the impact that sportsmanship or the lack of it has on the young people who compete and those who come to watch their classmates compete.  

The Season of Lent

Like many, I am a fan of Fridays.  End of the week.  Get to take stock of what got accomplished all week.  Get to look forward to a break from the routine of Monday through Friday.  Get to enjoy the beginning of the weekend.  Hanging with friends.  All week long, a 1966 hit from the Easybeats runs through my head…yes, indeed – I got Friday on My Mind.

But every year around this time, my view of Friday changes.  Look at the calendar.  As Catholics, today we celebrate Mass on Ash Wednesday and officially enter the season of Lent.  And you know what that means for Friday – lots of fish; lots of cheese.  I gotta tell ya, I have never been a big fish fan.  And a guy can only take so much cheese.  So I find myself “sacrificing” during Lent.  No burgers.  No cheesesteaks.  No hoagies. No meatballs. No chicken.  On Friday.  What a pity.  But really, how much of a sacrifice is it?  And when it comes down to it, how much is any “sacrifice” that falls into the category of “I’m giving this up for Lent?”

We give up candy or soda for 40 days.  Big deal.  We know we can have it for the other 325.  We invent rules like, “Sundays don’t count and traveling doesn’t count” as ways to “get around” the sacrifice. “What kind of discipline is that?”  It’s sad, really that we can’t make it 40 days.  And what if we “make it all the way through Lent” without straying from our “sacrifice?”  Do we see that as a personal achievement or do we see it as self-denial – the kind of self-denial that reminds us that life is not all about us?  When we compare our 40 days of “giving up,” to the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert and to his being nailed to a cross, it really doesn’t seem like such a big deal at all.

So as I do every year at this time, I want to challenge all of us to get beyond the usual “giving things up” for Lent because quite frankly that approach is short-lived.

I’m not against the “give up for Lent” practice but I see Lent as an opportunity for so much more.  While we should realize that abstinence and penance have a place in Lent, this season is way more than going without.  It is a time for conversion – a long term change of heart and mind.  In Lent we can take stock of the way we live our lives and how that compares to the model we have been given - our Lord, Jesus Christ.  In Lent our God has given us another chance to “get it right.” 

But where do we start?  As a sinner, some days it seems to me that there is just so much to “get right.”  And like most long-term projects, we can become paralyzed trying to figure out how to begin.  Well, how about this.  Let’s start with relationships.  And more specifically, let’s start with broken ones or wounded ones – those relationships with family, friends, students, teachers and others which fall apart because of something done, something said, or simply a misunderstanding.  Just maybe, Lent can be a time to repair and heal those relationships into the kind that Christ modeled for us.  Have we hurt someone with our words or actions?  Have we justified that they “deserved it?”  Maybe it’s time to say, “I’m sorry.”  Let’s not cop out by saying, “It’s been so long, I’m sure they’re over it by now.”  How do we know?  Maybe it’s too hard to say it face to face.  Start with a note – a sincere note that expresses the sorrow we feel for the hurt we’ve caused.  And just as important when healing relationships is the willingness to say, “I forgive you.”  Even Jesus, who died on a Cross, forgave those who put him there.  And remember, it wasn’t just the Romans who put him there.  Our sins are every bit responsible.  Surely we can forgive those who have done less.  Sound weird to say those exact words?  Then let’s start by letting go of that grudge we’ve held for so long.  Let’s talk again.  Let’s be respectful again.  Imagine a family where building the relationships was more important that being right.  Imagine a school where people followed the same philosophy.  Imagine a world like that.

And the true measure of our conversion is the long-term effect it has.  If we apologize and forgive now but tomorrow hurt again or create a new grudge to hold, what have we accomplished?  Lent, is as much about persistence as it is sacrifice.  It’s about continually striving to live a life committed to Christ.  It’s about trying, failing and trying again.  The message is simple.  We don’t let up when things are tough.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Lent is not something to get through.  It’s not something to tolerate.  It’s not something to manipulate.  It is a time for soul-searching.  It is a time to determine what’s really important.  It’s a time to commit ourselves to change – a change in our hearts that makes a difference in the lives of others. 

We all look forward to Easter and the joy the day brings.  We should also look forward to the impact of Easter and the everlasting life that the Resurrection brings.  And just as there can be no Easter without Lent, there can be no Resurrection without the Cross.  What load are we willing to bear?

May all of us find on Easter Sunday that the conversion that brings us closer to the lives our Lord Jesus Christ has in mind for all of us.